Valentine with a lonely heart.......

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I am a runner

and I need the loo........

So it is not exactly Shakespeare or Kate Nash, but it was the only line that I could come up with that rhymed.

As you can see, I am not poetic and I lack any finesse of romantic fiction. Some may even say that I don't have a romantic bone in my body and I lack a heart, which could possibly reflect on the fact that I will not be sending out dozens of roses this valentines day. Nor, will I be sending out any cards either, as there is one important thing missing, a sweet heart. So this could be the reason to why I have the lonely heart of a long distance runner. 

The only thing that the postman has delivered today is the weighty package that is my credit card statement, and my heavy debt. I have not even received a romantic email, as the only mails with any romantic connotation are of the junk verity, which offer me little pink pills that will boost my virility, enabling me to go the extra distance like a marathon runner. I have junk mail offering me Viagra, which will help me stand proud like the Eifel Tower, and to save any embarrassment at all, there is an offer to extend my manhood. Something else for me to trip over. 

But were do you find love...? You can Google it and find romance on the interweb. You can join a dating site and chat away to a twenty year old nymphet that catches your eye, who in reality, just happens to be a 23 stone spot welder from Clydeside called Tina. So where are those pink frilly days of Mills and Boon, and the bodice ripping novels of Barbara Cartland...? Where are the dashing hero and the helpless damsel in distress…? Where is the romance and why doesn't the boy get the girl anymore....?

Even cupid his arrows of love are hard to find. Maybe he has fallen victim to the health and safety man, who has told him that he needs a licence for carrying a fire arm. Maybe he now holds a ASBO for firing arrows discriminately at courting couples, while flying around in possession of a lethal weapon....?  In cupid’s absence, it seems that my fairy godmother has stepped in to take his place. 

My fairy godmother is a fat old bird, with a wand and a violin case, who grants me, wishes that I can't refuse. She vets my dates, and my world has become one where leggy blondes with big boobs and intentions of having their wicked way have become extinct. They have been replaced by mousey haired checkout girls in sensible shoes and glass's. Whose idea of a goodtime in bed is a good book and a mug of horlicks, which is like replacing your Porsche 911 with a Model T ford with a flat tyre.  So it’s no wonder that I have the lonely heart of the long distance runner.

Where is the romance and passion…? Where is love at first sight.....Where is the loo....as I am bursting.....!! Always the romantic me.... 14/2/2008

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