I guess I'm not the only one, but just at the moment I'm going through a phase of where I just want be on my own. It's why I've not been "around" as often as I should. But just at the moment I'm going through a very tough patch. The counselling I have been having has been extremely tough in the last month. It's left me mentally tired and drained. With only a fortnight between each session, there isn't alot of time to fully recover. Last weeks' was the toughest so far. But she has given me a 3 week break before I see her next on the 6th May.. I knew it was going to be hard work but I'll admit it's been much harder than I ever imagined it would be. It not easy dragging bad moments of your life than happen some 25 years ago as well as what's has happened in the not to distant past. As a consequence things have suffered and it's been the running of all things that's taken the major "hit". Haven't been out for over 2 weeks all but for an aborted attempted on Easter Monday. For some odd reason I let a little matter of an unsecured water bottle get the better of me and after a mile of keep having to pick it up, I simply gave up and went on a long walk along the canal instead and the running shoes haven't been worn since.... Hadn't even spoken to Sarah in over a fortnight until I "met" her in the gym today. Got the usuaul "third degree" from her but she understood. But do have pump tomorrow so we will see so what happens then.

But it hasn't been all doom and gloom, there has been 1 postive thing to come out of this. My bike riding.....has been the Brucie bonus to come out of all this....whilst the thoughts of giving it all up have been there yet again, there have still 1 or 2 postive thoughts trying to squeeze through the gloom and it seems they are succeeding for the moment at least. For me, the bike has been the timely godsend. The area where I live is just ideal for biking, country lanes, free from traffic, and I've just loved just getting on the bike and going somewhere on me todd...I find that I can go out for an hour or so doing up to 15 miles a ride has given me  that valuable thinking time I needed. Carved out 3 rides of 15 miles each just last week alone.  Find that I don't as tired doing the biking as I do when I run but sure do burn the calories. Confidence is such that I've started to plan a long distance ride, but not until after run in Manchester in May. Even have a route in mind already. Bought myself a hydration racksack today. Going to need some practice using it before I let myself loose abit further a field, but it's better than drinking from a bottle. The bike requires some minor adjustments as well, so a "ride" in Congleton is pencilled in for Thursday morning to get that sorted out.

Be assured I haven't given up on the running but the right mental attitude hasn't been there just recently but the bike riding has brought it back so a run is possibily on the cards tomorrow. See what happens at pump in the morning efore comitting myself. Not to sure whether to take a bottle with me or may just end up at the local shop. 

As mentioned before the counselling is proving harder to deal with than I thought, but Holly my therapist does assure me that I am making progress, even if I don't think so at times, it's just going to take time and patients. Unfortunaley my session will fall on the same day as unrelated doctors' appointment. Unfortuantley my skin condition has flared up yet again.There no question of cancelling, that needs sorting once and for all and there's only a 2 hour "window" between the 2 appointments.Oh well,see how I cope with that on the day...... Least it's gives me an early "dart" from work.

Just want to wish everybody the best of luck in the FLM on Sunday particularly Alistair and Caz. Guys enjoy the day. For me, Manchester is large on the horizons once again depsite everything, no thoughts of pulling out..but I may now just enjoy the day for what it supposed to be.... FUN.....Do manage to keep with everybodies goings on, sorry if I don't coment as often, sometimes it's just a quick read....

John

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