You know me and Bon Jovi!!
Been a tough week this week. Seems to be the story of my life and I'm sorry that you have all born the brunt of it. I swear when I signed up for the marathon life was quite good, and fundamentally it still is really and thats what I have to keep remembering.
Well the bad news is my mum's cancer is back. After her op in July to remove some of her bowel she took quite a long time to recover and was still getting quite a lot of pain. She ended up persuading the doctors to give her another colonoscopy but that was mainly to check the internal scar was healing properly. She got the results this week and it turns out 14 more polyps had grown since the surgery and 2 of them had turned cancerous already. Turns out she's got a very rare form of the cancer that is genetic (great!!) so chemo isn't an option as the polyps will still grow back. She has two options, one is to have a colonosopy every 3 months to remove and monitor the polyps or the other is to have her bowel removed. Neither option is particularly nice and its weighing up whether she goes for the easier option but with a risk of one of the polyps turning agressive (the image of this lump eating up my mum is quite ironic but apt really!!) and then spreading or having her bowel removed, which isn't nice and will involve one of those bag things (sorry don't do squemish so ignored that bit when she was tellling me). I personally think she should get a second opinion, espeacially seeing as she received all of her treatment privately and yet they seemed to have got everything completely wrong and it's only the fact that she kept insisting something wasn't right that she has found out about the cancer this time!! She sees the surgeon on Monday and then it's decision time. I'll keep you posted but to be honest it's not really that bad, she has options, both of which aren't that bad in the long run when you think that we are dealing with cancer so all in all we're doing ok!
The other bad thing in my life at the moment is my 4 year old who has turned into a monster!! He was a bit poorly at the beginning of the week and has been playing on it ever since usually resulting in both mother and child shouting at each other just to get anywhere!! AAAAHHHH. I'm not a shouty person either but he knows just what buttons to push and most of the time I HAVE to shout just to be heard. Kids hey.
Anyway it was the arguement this afternoon while trying to get him to go to pre-school that had put me in a really bad mood. Forced him there and left him crying only to get a text 2 mins later from my neighbour who works there saying he was happy as anything!! Feeling really fed up I searched the house for chocolate to no avail (it is January!!) and was contemplating the red wine left over from Xmas (it was hidden thats why it wasn't drunk before) when I thought "no get a grip women, a run always makes you feel better!!" So I dug out my running stuff and decided to go for it. The back isn't completely better, it still twinges and I think its going to go, but so far it hasn't. Foot is fine now so thought sod it, lets go for a run and see how it goes. It was pouring with rain but to be honest that kind of suited my mood and feeling in a daring mood decided to try out running along the river which I hadn't had the guts to do before as it is very isolated.
I was naughty and didn't bother warming up properly just started off running really slowly. The run along the river was lovely and I hadn't been along that way since my teens when I wasn't meant to go down there because it was isolated but always did with either my friends or the current boyfriend. Had taken my music but wasn't listening to it as wanted to just enjoy the silence. Unfortunately all I could hear were cars and turning the corner I realised why. They'd built a bloody road over the river and a main one at that. I was only out of Wickford for 7 years, when the hell did that happen? Also explains why I can often hear road noise from my house when the window is open at night!!! God knows where this road goes to or comes from as I've never driven down it!! Anyway put my earphones in and carried on regardless, the feel of the rain on my face and the sound of my feet squelching in the muddy puddles was heaven and just what I needed. I ran (and walked a little in the very slippy bits) all the way to the end of the track and then came back again. As the river was quite high was going to cut through to the park and the footbridge that crosses the river as that is always a good point to see how high it has risen. I glanced at my phone just to see how long I'd been running and realised it was for nearly an hour, and that I had to pick Alex up in half hour. Upped the pace a bit and ran home (no choice now!!) and quick jumped in the shower only to get wet again on the school run!!
Touch wood no back pain and I feel so much better for doing that run - 3 1/2 miles - wow!! Was surprised when I measured it and feel like I could have carried on if I'd had time although I was running really slow. Am thinking that maybe I can do this marathon again. Oh dear dilemma time again!! Going to go for another run at the weekend, see how it goes, and maybe take each day as it comes. I feel at the moment that this year is my year to run the marathon. It's been tough but I'm still here and it gives me something to work towards, something that makes the not so good stuff seem bearable, and something I can feel proud of achieving when most of the time I just felt like quitting!!
Anyway it's dinner time now and I am starving. Simon's out tonight so I'm spending the evening catching up on all your blogs, although the boxset of The Wire is very tempting but I promised Si I wouldn't watch any without him. In the absence of alcohol and chocolate its our little treat at the end of the day and what a fantastic series it is. I'm addicted!
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